There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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