She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Randomize
