the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
