when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
