Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
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