You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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