my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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