Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
