just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Randomize
