what day is it and did you see me today?
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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