So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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