I think I just saw someone hide a body.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I wish I only lived at night.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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