i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
