Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
