I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Princesses don't give blow jobs
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
