Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
