I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Ambien. No doubt about it.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
