I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
