I hate your face
In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
