There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
this just has baby written all over it
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
