Are we in a gay sports bar?
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
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