I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
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