this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
