Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
you didnt know i had herpes?
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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