you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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