whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
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