I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
