if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Randomize
