I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
