he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
