you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
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i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
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Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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