I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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