I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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