I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
