wrigley field is MILF paradise
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
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