I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
