Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
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