with your own penis?
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
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