So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
