the day after is always just damage control
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
