Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Randomize
