A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Randomize
