woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
