Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
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