PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
My dick has a subreddit
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
