Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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