Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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