You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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