Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
