Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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