She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
