yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
