bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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