Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
