she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
