Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
