so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
