After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
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