No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
