im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
