She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
