I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
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