Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Randomize
