he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
