I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
never play flip cup with pint glasses
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
