just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
