so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
