9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Randomize
