i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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