You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
