I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
