it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
