do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
So squirting runs in the family.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
