yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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