So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
