we have pet lesbian snakes
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
