So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
