I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Randomize
