I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Randomize
