I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize