Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Randomize
