Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
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