OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
