Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
