she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
His hands were made for my vagina.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
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