How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I'm jealous of your bromance
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
