This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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