I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize